Konnichiwa

The MIL

In early August, Kai came down with a fever.  

The 1st day, I stayed home.  2nd day, Tomo stayed home.  3rd day, neither of us could stay home and the regular babysitter could not make it.  We decided to try the MIL before contacting Taiga's babysitter.  MIL said she would come.  I was relieved that the weekend before, I had incidentally done a thorough cleanup of the house, so was not too harried about her coming.

The first thing when she said upon stepping into the house was "your TV screen is so dirty".  Never mind that the floor was spotless, toys had been put aside, no dishes were in the sink, furniture etc was free of dust.  All that quite a feat actually for a working mum with 2 young kids (or any mum, I would think), esp. a working mum suddenly abandoned by the family help (MIL) with less than 1 month's notice just 4 months earlier. 

I bore no ill-will before her arrival, but with that statement, the daggers were out.

As Kai was still sleeping, she decided to go out and "fix" my garden.  For some reason, she thinks my garden is a nuisance to the neighbours and is often bearing gifts to the neighbours, apologizing for my garden.  At the genkan (indoor entrance area), she had no qualms stepping on my leather Ferragamos, as a stepping stone to her shoes.  When I got out of the shower, I see her in the garden wearing my leather Cole Haans gardening!!! As if that was not bad enough, she had socks on and slipped the whole bulky, shoe-enlarging feet into the Cole Haans.

That moment reconfirmed how wonderful it actually is that she is no longer helping us on a daily basis.    We just do things so differently.

How else do we do things differently?   We thought that since she was around our area already, it would be nice if she could pick Taiga from daycare in the evening so that we can stay in the office a little longer.  No problem, she said.  I later found out that what she did was that she left Kai alone in my house for all of 30 mins when she went to pick Taiga up.  She left him watching TV at home.  I have to admit that really wound me up.  I thought she should have at least asked us whether it was OK to leave Kai home.  Besides, I could not understand why Kai could not go along.  He may be having a fever, but he was not lying down acting sick and all.  He was jumping around, really lively, not sleeping much, no loss of appetite.

How could she have left Kai alone for 30 mins?  What if THE big earthquake struck? What if he suddenly got scared and decided to leave the house to look for her?  

Back-tracking a little, inspired by the daikon seeds that Lily had kindly given us earlier, Kai and I went out and bought a whole lot of other seeds to plant.  Tomatoes, zucchinis, eggplant, corn etc.  I am a total newbie at gardening (apart from some herbs - which are easy - and tulips 1 Spring years before which was also very easy).  I dutifully dug the holes in the soil and Kai put in the seeds.  Given my ignorance and Kai's enthusiasm, we landed up with many different seeds thrown in together into each hole.  Couple that with hectic work weeks where I did not have much time to check on our seedlings.  When I finally found some time to wander around the garden to look at the progress of the seeds, I really could not tell the assortment of weeds from the "plants".  The really obvious weeds, I pulled them out.  The rest which I was not sure whether it was a weed or a plant, I decide to let it grow some more before I decide.   Well, the MIL decided for me.  She simply pulled everything out.    

  

The MIL (Part II)

Since I am on this topic ....

Another thing that I can't understand is why she never, ever closes my gate.  When she comes and when she leaves, she leaves the gate wide open.  Even at night.  Outside of this gate is a busy road - many cars pass by as this road leads to the train station.  And she knows that Kai can lock (and unlock) the main door by himself.  Without any problem whatsoever.  So that gate is the "last line of defence" - so to speak - should Kai decide to wander out the house by himself.

Not to mention that a wide open gate kind of invites people in.  The area that I stay in is quite safe, but still ......

Does it take that much effort just to close the gate?

What's with the MIL?

Tomo was in Guangzhou this whole week and at Tomo's request, she has been coming in the mornings to help out.  She does not normally do mornings.

Because Tomo and I start work at different times, Tomo usually brings Kai in to the daycare earlier and I bring Taiga in later.  And the MIL knows that.  But when the MIL helps out in the morning, she comes quite late which means that it is about the time that I leave to bring Taiga too.

This past week, even though she knows that Taiga and I will be leaving soon, she will quickly drag Kai out and not wait for us.  We are usually only about a min or so behind her getting out of the front door. 

Today, we were to be at the front door getting out at about the same time.  Taiga saw her pulling Kai quickly towards the front door (even as Kai was protesting - aren't we going with mummy?) and he quickly ran to the front door with them as he wanted to go to the daycare together.  She pulled Kai out the door and let the front door literally slam into Taiga's face.  He cried so badly.  I thought she would hear his cries and realise how mean she is and come back.  Nope.  I waited for a while, she did not open the door again.  I then went out and asked her to stop and wait. 

It's not like she had to wait that long.  I only had to set up the baby car.  With the easy to unfold Maclaren but with the rain, that was only about 10 seconds.  What's the rush?  I am sure there was no appointment that she was rushing to.

Is she avoiding me?   

It is not like we have ever fought or argued.  And despite my complaints to Tomo and on this blog, I have shown her only respect in her presence.  And it's not like we ever spend that much time to have any friction in the first place.  Usually the moment I am home, she is flying out the front door - so fast that she never ever bothers to say bye.  Or even find the keys to lock the door behind her.  She would usally call out to Kai as she is running out to lock the door for her.

How is it that I think my FIL is the greatest and not be able to put her on the same level?

Violence

I am still in shock.

Soon after arriving home last night, my MIL made a bolt back to her own home and I gave Taiga a bath.  As I was towelling Taiga off and Kai was jumping around the furniture waiting for us to finish, Kai suddenly said "Next time when mummy and daddy scold Kai, Kai will do bang-bang."

I was rather taken aback and looked at him quizically - did I hear right?

And he repeated "Next time mummy and daddy scold Kai, Kai will use gun to shoot mummy and daddy."

Good grief!  He is not even 4 years old yet!!!

I suspect he got this from my MIL.  She is always watching TV when in my house whilst "looking after" the boys.  Japan had a few of such killings last year by children we were not happy with their parents.  So I think there was probably a documentary on TV last night discussing such cases or the weekend killing of a family in the US by a boy was on Japanese news last night - and either way, my MIL chose to explain to Kai that the parents got killed by their children as the parents were always scolding the children.

If so, I think it is rather inappropriate to explain it like that to a little kid and some censorship should have been in place. Do parents censor what they tell kids?      

Snowfall

We had the first snowfall of the year today!

It started snowing overnight and we woke up to a white scenery this morning, as a thin layer of snow blanketed everything.  The snowfall was actually pretty heavy, so Tomo decided to drive the boys to daycare.  Which is much easier for me than having to push the stroller, carry an umbrella, balance my leather handbag on my shoulder, avoid the puddles for the sake of my leather shoes (at my old workplace, since having kids, I have been wearing sneakers and using a Coleman backpack but I am still too new at this place to subject them to me in sneakers and Coleman backpack ... maybe next month?).

The kids were excited.  Kai was disappointed that he would not be walking to daycare in the snow.  He said he wanted to "scoop the snow".  I heard from Tomo that when he arrived at the daycare and finally had the chance to be out in the snow, he kept saying "Daddy, there is no sugar".  Apparently, my MIL told him last night that when she was younger, she used to eat the snow with sugar!!

When I suggested to Taiga this morning that he can eat the snow, he stretched out his hand (in our living room), caught some imaginary snow flakes, and popped them into his mouth, smacking his hand against his mouth and going "um".

It's still snowing heavily as I write now, so hopefully this will go on for some time more and maybe we can build a little snowman tonight!

October in Japan: Undokai

Undokai = sports day. 

When we think of sports day in Singapore, it is usually  a school athletic meet.  Only teachers and students attend.  It is also always held on a school day which for the students (and probably the teachers too) is a super day as there are absolutely no classes and it is a half-day.  We all get to leave after the meet ends.  Also in Singapore, the date of the meet can be at anytime in the year.

Now in Japan, sports day is always in October.  There is the official Sports Day, which is a public holiday, but the meet can be on any day within October.  In Japan, it is not only for schools, but also companies!  Yes, companies also have a sports day.  Every year, Tomo attends the meet for his best client and every year, he brings cases of beer and shochu (a strong Japanese liquor).  Yup, you read right.  Alcohol.  Even though his client's meet is in the morning, everyone is already drinking alcohol from then.  I always wonder - how do they participate in the sporting event even if slightly inebriated?  And many of them bring young kids too, so maybe one parent drinks and the other parent abstains?

So I read in the Nikkei the other day that the months leading up to October and within October itself is the peak period in Japan for camcorder and camera sales.  Steep increase in sales during those months.  Why?  Because many parents out there are rushing to buy the latest model to record their kids' athletic prowess.  Therefore many Japanese companies were rushing over summer to bring out their latest models in time for this peak season.  Gotta be true.  My SIL, whose son started his 1st year of kindergarten this year, who already has a nice camera, bought a new one.  Specifically for the undokai.  (Or at least that was the excuse she used to her husband to justify a new camera!)

Back to the sports day itself.  It starts from kindergarten and I understand that it is not unusual for daycares to have it too.  I saw my neighbourhood daycare holding theirs.  I am so glad that Kai & Taiga's daycare does not have it, for the following reasons:

1. sports days are typically held on a Saturday, Sunday or a public holiday.  That to me is precious family time (read: I don't want to wake up at the crack of dawn on a non-working day);
2. it is customary for grandparents to be invited (for the school sports days - don't think for the company ones!).  And almost always, at least the grandma will attend.  I have no problem with the MIL attending per se (and would actually love for FIL to attend!), but that would be a problem as regards the obento (see 3 below);
3. it is also customary for each family to bring an obento (packed lunch).   It is usually packed by the mum which er, would be me.  Which again, would not be a problem and I think I might enjoy doing it, since it is only once a year.  But, the MIL will be there.  She will definitely scrutinise the contents and be criticising it, whether she verbalises it to me or not.  Judging from her reaction to food I have cooked before, I suspect she would either: (i) take a look and tell me she is not hungry, (ii) take a bite and tell me it is oishikunai (not delicious) (no, she does not even bother to lie - Tomo says it is a good sign, that we are close enough for her to  be open about her thoughts!!!), or (iii) bring her own obento.

I am spared this year but my time will come.  When Kai starts kindergarten.  We'll see.  It may actually be fun.

Oh Shit!

Tomo was just telling me that he like to read my blog and checks it every now and then.

Damn!  I totally forgot I told him about this blog!

Looks like I may have to start a new blog for MIL stories!!!

What will I do without my MIL?

OK, OK, I know it is not nice to complain about a relative publicly, esp if they are helping you out, but this blog was initially borne out of the need to release my frustrations etc  with my MIL (see earlier posts).  If  I don't release here, I will be insane soon  (as will my Japanese teacher who listens to my complains week after week!).

Thanks to the germs passed between daycare kids, I have since Sunday been down with a cold.  Yesterday, I had a fever of 38.5 degrees and went home early from work.  Early by Japanese standards, that is.  I arrived home at 7pm.  My MIL noticed that I had lost my voice and I told her I had a fever.  Not that that changed anything.  She was just happy that I was home, just wanted to watch TV and let me bath the kids, entertain them etc.  What did she do?  She undressed Taiga too early (despite my protests as I had not even drawn up the bath yet), had her eyes glued to the TV thereafter and let Taiga pee all over my rug.  But I was still quite OK with all that.

This morning, as I was still unwell, Tomo calls her and asked if she can help bring the kids to daycare.  OK, she says - provided that I help her to bring the kids to daycare.  [picture me stifling a scream here]  If I am going to get up and "help" her bring the kids to daycare, I sure as well will do it on my own without her.  And that was what I told Tomo - I lost all graciousness and told Tomo that his mum does not need to come, I can handle things on my own.  As it turns out, she could not be contacted (or maybe that was Tomo's diplomatic way of handling the 2 women in his life, haha!) and turned up at our house.

First thing she does is ask me whether Kai has a fever.  Kai has not had a fever since Saturday.  And she knows that.  So her question is rather redundant although I answered her.  A few minutes later, I hear her asking Kai to go to her to take his fever medicine. 

After that, Kai said he wanted to walk to the daycare.  But  I said "no", to sit in the stroller instead, as I was afraid we would miss Taiga's lunch time.  Taiga's group start their lunch at 11am.  Soon after I said no, what does my MIL do?  She takes Kai's hand and starts walking with him.

Has she got a plot against me?  Do I have to say the opposite of everything I mean to get the "right" cooperation from her?

And this is the part I don't understand.  She makes it feel like it is a chore to help look after Kai and Taiga each evening (even though, for the record, she insisted on doing it on her own).  And for most part, when in my house, seems disinterested in them.  But in public, she fusses and fawns over them.  And this morning, as we we were leaving the daycare, the kids were just getting back from their morning walk.  She suddenly became like another person altogether.  Like a granny high on sugar.  She was skipping towards them and acting like she had not seen them in a thousand years.  Does she even know those kids?